all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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