C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
