I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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