i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
