All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
