Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
