Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Two words: blizzard sex
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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