You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
