shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
