I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
