well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
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No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
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Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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