umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
