i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
