I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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