and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
