Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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