Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
