I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize