dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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