i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
