Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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