Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
