I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Oh god it's open bar.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
