I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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