So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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