You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
