nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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