dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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