He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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