this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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