Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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