You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
