i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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