A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
