I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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