I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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