Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
