Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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