make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
