He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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