also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
