I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize