I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize