forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
