just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
