Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
