the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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