ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
