if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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