you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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