I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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