i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
