Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
