puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
