the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
