she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
