just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
