i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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