I am full of burrito and curiosity
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
