what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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