This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
