I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
