Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
