I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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