I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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