All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
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I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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