I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
