I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
